Art in itself is a big word, it involves a lot, and based on many people’s opinions it can represent anything from miniature creations to colossal ideas. However, my escape from reality has always been music. Every time I sing or listen to it, I feel infinite, like I am in a dream.
Lately, I was accepted in a reality talent show called “The Voice of Albania”. The series consists of three phases: a blind audition, a battle phase, and live performance shows. Four judges/coaches, all noteworthy recording artists, choose teams of contestants through a blind audition process. Each judge has the length of the auditioner’s performance (about ninety seconds) to decide if he or she wants that singer on his or her team; if two or more judges want the same singer (as happens frequently), the singer has the final choice of coach. I, myself used to have problems with nerves on stage (still do, sometimes). It grabs your guts and your hands shake. You get the butterflies in your stomach, but not the good kind. For nearly every performer, stage fright is a very common state of mind, but in my case it involves a lot of panic, shortness of breath and a slight decrease in self-esteem. That’s what affected my performance the last time I auditioned. I had a lot of people ask me – “Why are you so scared?”, and that is when it hit me. I sat down near a corner where I was hijacked in my own thoughts and started asking myself – “Do I really want this?” Of course I did. I dreamt about it almost every single night, ever since I was a little girl. So I stood up and asked my optimism to come back. I waited tensely behind the stage curtain, singing my song as if my life depended on it. I desperately tried to focus. Anyways, when I walked slowly to the stage, I closed my eyes and tried to comfort myself by constantly repeating the words “You can do this”. I practically had my eyes closed during the whole song, and when it ended, I opened my eyes and saw two judges wanting me. I cannot even try to describe the feeling I had.
In situations like these I try my best to stay intact and endure until I’ve gained what I wanted. And when I do, it gives me just the right amount of adrenaline rush to keep me happy, to see things in a colored screen. It boosts my self-esteem and makes me smile. It makes my face radiate happiness. I feel like I’m in control and I can do anything. I notice that even if the path gets darker throughout the journey, there will be people right by my side. But I know that if I don’t believe in myself and care about the outcome, or should I say “the light at the end of the tunnel that is just a sparkle right now”, no one else will. This is what motivates me most.